Perplexed

perplexed

It’s July 1979 and Mike Hoban is sitting in the solitary armchair of his one-room apartment in North Finchley, London. At his feet, Jane Abraham, his girlfriend of three years, is working on a quilt she started just before Christmas. Mike is reading “The World According to Garp”, with a gentle smile on his face. It’s the post-exam, pre-head-for-home period familiar to any student.

They’d paid the rent to the end of the month from Mike’s wages as a barman, and Jane was putting off returning to her Canterbury family home.

“Is that good?” Jane asked without looking up.

“Very,” Mike replied. “I don’t think I’ve ever read anything like it.”

“At least it’s not Science Fiction,” said Jane with a disapproving expression. She was more of a Jane Austen or Thomas Hardy type, and she tried hard to elevate Mike from what she saw as his lazy literature. She loved him, but she realised they had firmly differing ideas of culture.


Jane was a medical student. Mike studied physics. They started dating at the university Labour Club and stayed together until the end of his three-year degree, but now it was time to part. At least temporarily. He was studying at Cambridge’s Cavendish Lab, and she still had a few years of medical study. She was determined to make this last, though.

He laughed at a witty passage in his book, and Jane looked up, her scowl giving way to a warm smile of encouragement. Perhaps there was hope for him yet.

She looked out of their small window at the familiar view across London. The sky was a kind of azure rarely seen in the capital: cloudless, sun-soaked, and empty. Empty except for… She rose to her feet and pointed.

“M-Mike,” she whispered, “what the hell is THAT?”

Mike looked up from his book, followed her outstretched arm with his eyes, and saw a huge, dull-grey globe hanging stationary in the sky about a mile to the south.

“I have no idea.” He pulled the curtain to one side to get a better view. “A balloon maybe.”

The globe in the sky was still and featureless, but Mike knew it wasn’t a balloon. It only stayed like that for a couple of minutes, but they were the longest minutes of Mike’s life before it accelerated off to the South.

Before Mike could say anything, two Phantom jets came streaking across the sky from the Northeast.

“Wow, did you see those?” Mike said. “They’re USAF, not RAF.”

“The yanks?” Jane replied. “What are they doing chasing things across London?”

“I dunno.” Mike was visibly excited.

The next morning, they sat in Goldberg’s café on the High Road. Mike was still excited about the encounter. Jane less so.

“You realise we can’t talk about this to anyone,” she declared after letting him bubble incoherently for a few minutes. He looked perplexed.

“I don’t understand.”

“I’m taking up a career in medicine. You’re going into research. It would destroy our reputations if anything about this gets out. You must promise me not to mention it to anyone.”

After some cajoling, Mike eventually agreed, and they did not mention the topic again.

Mike married Dr Jane Abraham, despite her parents’ disapproval. They lived happily for 20 years until she died from an incurable auto-immune disease. Mike never spoke of that day in July, until he retired, a Professor of physics at MIT, some quarter of a century later. That was when he was called to the UAP hearings before the Congressional Aeronautics Committee in 2023. His role as the sober debunker of wild theories about aliens secured him the spot.

He stood unsteadily; his knee had been giving him trouble for years. He cleared his voice and tapped the microphone before him.

“Mister Chairman, members of Congress,” he began, “I want to tell you the story of when I was an undergraduate in London. I am at a complete loss as to what I saw that day…”

Lethal Baggage

Tall well dressed man

I stopped at the corner of High Street and The Green, two bags of shopping cutting the fleshy part of each hand and three hundred yards to the carpark left to trudge in the biting wind.

There were four people standing near the crossing: an elderly woman – thick windblown hair belying her age, two schoolkids – all noisy swearing and banter, and a tall, professional looking man with a battered briefcase and lead eyes.

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A stranger in the machine

Man in wheelchair with a computer circuit board for a background.

“Everything has been going wrong for so long,” Eric thought, “I forget what normal looks like.”

He is in his garden on the last day of his occupancy. The bank forecloses tomorrow. His wife left after he lost his job, but that wasn’t what finished it for him. He looked at where his legs used to be. That was the car crash.

“Oh God,” he moaned. “I wish I could end this.”

“Okay,” said a strange voice, and everything around him froze.

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The Balm of Gilead

In a book-lined study hidden away in the backstreets of Cambridge, a solitary figure pores over a graduate thesis. He is a wiry man of indeterminate age, somewhere between forty and sixty, with dark hair falling over his brow, a close-cropped salt and pepper beard and a prominent nose. Alex Hafau is the pre-eminent authority on Celtic philology, a Knight of the Realm, a chess master, and the writer of a dozen detective novels in the style of the Italian Giallo genre. 

His desk phone warbled, and Alex momentarily wondered where he left it. He lifted the pile of papers he was putting off marking under which he hoped the phone hid, swept his eyes around the room for a clean surface on which to place them, and finding none, deposited them on the floor under his desk, next to his satchel and box of sandwiches.

“Alex,” he said, picking up the receiver.

“Alex Hafau?”

“The same,” Alex responded, “who’s calling?”

“Ah, that’s good,” responded his caller, “I am Tony Grachist, Professor of Theology at Corpus Christi. We may need your help. We’ve found something remarkable, and we think it may interest you.”

“What do you think you’ve found?” Alex asked.

“Oh, we’ve found it,” said Grachist mistaking the purpose of the question, “I’m looking at it now and it’s decidedly anomalous.”

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The Asphalt Beach

Joey Jerkoff sweeps the floor

In the summer of sixty-six, a year before the Newark riots, my life took a sudden change. I’d been living in Jersey for about eight months and, for me anyway, things were different in those days. The weather was warm, the ice vendors were making money, the streets were full of laughing kids, and everyone was getting along fine.

Me? I was doing okay. My mood was good, and I had a bit of dough. So, I went up onto the pitch covered roof of my apartment block to drink a few beers and smoke some pot. I call it my asphalt beach.

The apartment manager, Joey, didn’t like us going onto the roof. He wanted to keep it for himself and jerk off or something. He’s an asshole.

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Stockholm Syndrome

“Hello,” said the tall man as he peered around the door to the classroom. “Are you Cecelia Luth?”

“Why, yes I am,” said Luth. “May I ask who wants to know?”

“My name is Bejerot,” he replied and stepped into the room, “but not the famous one. Are you familiar with the name?”

“I really don’t know who you might mean,” Luth responded warily.

“You don’t know Nils Bejerot?”

“Should I?” Luth said, “The name seems familiar, but I can’t place it.”

“He coined the phrase ‘Stockholm Syndrome’,” he said. He pulled a photograph from his jacket, “after the attempted robbery of the Kreditbanken in Sweden. Jan-Erik Olsson held four people hostage, demanding the release of his jailed friend, Clark Olofsson. They refused to testify against their captor.”

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Caught long

Detective Inspector Alice Cauldwell looked through the two-way mirror at her suspect as he sat next to the duty solicitor in the interview room; his long, greasy hair framing a sharp-featured face, which was wearing an insouciant look bordering on contempt. His lack of concern would normally have worried her, but her instincts tell her this is her man, and her instincts are rarely wrong.

She pinched the bridge of her nose and willed her tiredness to recede. It was the fag-end of a long and tiring night and she wanted to get this done as quickly as possible so she could go home, laze in a bath and climb into bed for a long, overdue sleep.   

“Okay, Kev,” she said to her DS, “let’s get this over with.”

Killing time in his head room

The trouble with British Summer Time, apart from it being a misnomer that is, is it takes Joel Bloom nearly a week to catch up with the lost hour. Mornings are difficult: a constant struggle with his body clock, which point-blank refused to accept the evidence of his eyes when looking at his bedside clock. 

“Can’t be eight already,” he would murmur in his fractured oddity of a voice. Since Becca said she was leaving, he formed the habit of talking to himself. Good company and intelligent conversation, he joked, but the reality is, he is lonely and affronted by her betrayal. The bloody postman, he thought, how much of a cliché is THAT?

“Maybe it’s time to look again,” said his head.

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The Ring of De’Ath

Charlie De’Ath looked down at his dark brown Oxford shoes as he stood on the spray-soaked boardwalk separating the waterfront properties from Old Orchard Beach, Maine. They were scuffed with curves of roughened leather where the door panel he kicked in earlier that morning scraped across the shiny toecap. Tutting, he reached into the glove compartment of his customised classic car, a silver-blue and white Cadillac ’52 El Dorado for his shoe-shine kit. He always kept one in the car, along with a tub of hair gel, a clothes brush and for exceptional occasions, a spare suit, shirt and tie. For business purposes, he kept a box of rubber surgical gloves, an industrial-sized bottle of hand sanitizer and several tubs of moisturising cream in the trunk. Tony Torandi, his mentor in the early days, persuaded him they were necessary.

“A combination of hand sanitiser and moisturising cream will remove traces of gunpowder residue from your hands and the rubber gloves will prevent you shedding any skin cells at the appointment,” Tony said. Charlie later found out from a CSI agent on the payroll this was probably not true, besides using hand cream made him feel like a cissy. Still, he kept them in the car for old times’ sake

For Charlie, sartorial classiness was like a badge of office. He liked to look smart because he thought it gave him an air of authority, a kind of lawyerly feel, judicial even. He chuckled at that: Charlie was no judge. In fact, he never made judgements. Things were simple in Charlie-World, there were just three states of being: a problem, not a problem, and no longer a problem. Simplicity was his byword, which was just as well because having too much reflection about his line of work could lead to complications.

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Incidentes de honor

Statue of Isidoro Máiquez with Analia Alvarez posing in front of it.

Since my last visit to Cartagena, a pair of aerial fig roots, previously just hints, were dangling near the statue of the eighteenth-century actor, Isidoro Máiquez.

“I’ve been away too long,” I thought as I brushed sun-dried leaves from the statue’s base and looked up at his Shakespearean pose.

Máiquez, although famous, is interesting to me as the father-in-law of Manuel Tamayo-y-Baus, author of “Un drama nuevo”, the object of my student’s study. My student, a young woman by the name of Analia is, in turn, the object of my secret desires.

I settled into a café chair facing the plaza, ordered a coffee and flicked open the binder of notes I made on her thesis.

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